Future Imperfect

I’ve found myself in an awkward position lately, or, more accurately, I’ve admitted to the world (well, my mother) that I am in an awkward position.

I started my Masters degree in Archaeology back in October, hoping that this was the start of one of those mythical ‘new chapters’ in life after having some rather unpleasant years. I tried to get really into things on this course. I’ve tried to be enthusiastic and dilligent. I’ve tried to make friends and fit in with people. I’ve tried to look toward the future and what I’ll do with this degree and the amazing career I’ll have.

There’s nothing there. It’s just images of what I’m probably supposed to be doing, and how I’m probably supposed to feel about this ‘wonderful opportunity’ to ‘do something I love’.

I’ve come to realise that, actually, I don’t love spending all my time reading archaeology tomes and trying to fill wordcounts with well-thought out and extensively referenced arguments about things I don’t actually care about. It’s all so much effort and, I know university studies aren’t about instant results, but I just don’t see how I’ll really make this whole experience seem worthwhile.

I feel as though I’m ‘doin it rong’.

What does all of this mean? Well, I’m probably still going to go class for now. Still, I’m looking for jobs again without a ‘must be part time’ limitation, though it’s still difficult for a 24-year old lady who hasn’t really worked a proper job since four saturdays at a shoeshop over Christmas when she was 16…